Author Archives: Javier Canales

How I Wish

Oh how I wish I could live without air.
Oh how I wish I could live without water.
I would be thrilled to be able to love you a little less.
Oh how I wish I could live without you.

But I can’t, I feel as if I am dying.
I am drowning without your love.

Oh how I wish I could live without air.
Oh how I wish I could ease my anguish.
Oh how I wish I could live without water.
Oh how I wish I could steal your heart.

How can a fish swim without water?
How can a bird fly without wings?
How can a flower bloom without soil?
Oh neither could I live without you.

I just can’t, I feel as if I am dying.
I am drowning without your love.

Oh how I wish you were here.

You are more than the air I breath.
You are the only one that can quench my thirst.
You are my only heart.
No I can’t live without you.


Journal 11 – What Matters The Most

One of the reasons I picked this particular restaurant was because the parking is ample and with the traffic of the adjacent stores I thought it unlikely that any of the drivers would park near each other… but I didn’t think about what would happen if one of the subjects recognized their spouses vehicle. After a few seconds the doctor continued walking towards the restaurant. Maybe he figured he was mistaking, but it seem he would double check by calling his wife. He had his cell phone and seem to be dialing someone. Either way by the time the call went through, the wife heard the phone, took it out and picked up… it would be too late.

I waited a couple minutes… I stepped out my car and dialed the restaurant, as I walked to the door I told the hostess that I, Mr. Gonzalez, was not going to be able to make it to dinner… to please cancel my 6:15 reservation. After hanging up I walked in and asked for a table for two.

I was sat down two tables from the doctor’s party and across the aisle 1 table down was the lawyer’s party… there was only one other table open in our section. “Susie” got there about 5 minutes later. She was not a real date, just an artist looking for assistance… this was actually a business meeting… but she was definitely nice to look at.

Dinner was lovely for everyone… so it seem. At some point I snuck my special cell out and sent a pre-saved text to the subjects that read: “What’s most important to you?” Subjects finished their dinner and left almost at the same time. Five minutes or so later I thank “Susie” for her time and told her I’d see what I could do for her. I paid for dinner cash and we headed out… on our way out, there they were… doc and lawyer inquiring to the hostess about the reservations… I walked “Susie” to her vehicle and went home. I got a few calls that night to my special cell, threats.

Day 4 – sent text: “What do you want the most?” received a few threatening text messages.

Day 5 – sent text: “If you want this to end both of you must meet me, if one is not there I won’t show.” Eventually received text message requesting location. After I did not respond more threatening text messages followed.

Day 6 – Provided location of Cafe I had first seen them, and time of meeting via text.

Day 7 – Took public transportation to Cafe, set myself up where I had a clear view and enough cover. They showed up on time. I let then sit there for a few. Sent a text to her: “Don’t sit across from each other, sit next to him.” I walked around to approach from the back, walked in and sat across from them… shades and hat on.

I was asked why, who I was, who I worked for. I was threaten. I was offered money in an envelope, threaten some more. I didn’t say much outside of “I don’t need your money.”

Finally I said: “Listen up! Today is the last day you’ll ever hear of me or see me… what you do once I leave here in a minute is none of my concern.” After hearing a dumbfounded why. I said: “This was an opportunity for you to reflect on what really matters the most to you. Is what you two have more important then everything else in your life? Do you know what’s the most important thing in your life (lawyer’s first name)? Because (doctor’s first name) sure does…”

I got up in a spring and quickly started to exit the Cafe, I stopped and turned to subjects 008 and 009. I gave them half a smile, turned around… walked away.


“If You See Her Some Day”

She left my two bedroom apartment
But you voyager, if you see her one day
Come back and tell me, come back and tell me
Tell me if her hair still has that scent of love
If her lips are just as dreamy

But promise me you won’t get too close
Because if you touch her bronze skin
You’ll become delirious, delirious
If I had not been careful enough with her splendor
My eyes would still be burning, be burning

She’s from an ageless time filled with stories
Of Arab princes, love marriages
Freed slaves, and more gallant stories

I often forget to come home for a night or two
My friends wonder about me
Worry that I’m so difficult to figure out
But you tell them, I’m just figuring life out

She left my two bedroom apartment
But you voyager, if you see her one day
Come back and tell me, come back and tell me
Tell her I’d give for her my last breath
My very last breath


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